


Mischief and the Like

by CinnamonSmile



Category: Naruto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27740707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinnamonSmile/pseuds/CinnamonSmile
Summary: A newly asended godling of mischief fails in his plan to gain worshipers and is punished by being stuck in a universe he cannot interact with.  But with his dumb luck one can expect he'll find a way to gain a follower and who knows, maybe even change a few things for his flock.





	1. Lost Boys, No Hands For Toys

##### -Lispa-

One quarter a human lifetime of vaguely contributing to an adventuring party, stupid amounts of luck, a dash of charisma to charm a certain goddess, one risky apotheosis, the most brilliant plot any plane weave would record are apparently instructions for becoming an alarm clock. Not literally, of course, the cruel outergod would not simply destroy someone who broke an absolute rule and almost destroyed his whole plane for a bit of amusement.

All was going according to the newly formed godlings' plan with the slight alteration in the last step labled 'profit', instead of his deeds being recorded in verse, attracting worship and making him a lesser deity at worst, he was summoned to answer for his crime in front of an angry thing that looked like the inspiration to all androgynous puppets. And like a priest who couldn't keep his fingers on his holy text, he was reassigned, to a middle of nowhere plane that lacked well... anything.

No mana, a static weave, unsurprisingly as humans existed so did the twin energies fueling life. Physical energy was something for monks and the enlightened smugly hiding in mountains hoping a pilgrim would stumble upon them and join whatever wouldbe cult they would have formed if they had the social skills to ply their trade in a settlement. Spiritual energy, the lifeblood of miracles might sound promising, but no aspects meant no way to form gods. The worst thing about the gig was that he wouldn't even interact with the hellhole, to be specific "... **You cannot influence a single thing belonging to this plain. Your only task is to accurately report any external influence you sense**....", also something about disappointment and lessons, but that background noise got lost in the plotting.

So like any self respecting godling of mischief, he started testing his bounds. To put it simply the intersection of his powers as a god with no followers, no connections and a mental barrier imposed by a being so all knowing that he questioned why it even needed him to oversee the most boring plane imaginable. A few decades of experiments and wasting what little reserves of spiritual energy he had been given at ascension and had not subsequently used in an attempt at glory and all he could do was alter his memory.

Depression, he had avoided it as a mage traveling his world, but as a husk of a godling he was now lower than most beings ever fell, only exasperated by the height he once achieved. Millennia passed, the humans moved, formed clans and killed each other but mostly died of diseases, he didn't look upon them, all their stories and all the stories that would be were known to him. But for all their pain and struggle he couldn't see them as anything other than puppets recreating what his mind absorbed the moment he was imprisoned. Great beasts were formed, heroes and villains, now a princess and her sons passed, another beast split as the world prepared for another savior and barreled along the twisted road of fate.

And as an old toad peered and a bored godling sulked, an unlikely miracle appeared. To be exact, a sorceress appeared, looked around, paled at the absolute lack of mana in her surroundings, and fearing being another prisoner in this foreign world took out a sheet of paper and drew an complex draconinc enchantment array to focus her plains walking. The bored godling missed both her arrival and departure, luckily the tiny shifts, created as the weave corrected itself removing the intruders influence, did not escape his attention.

Hope, excitement and fear gripped him, his mind trembled as the commandment placed upon him started activating. For the first time in centuries he looked at the lone continent on a small world in an otherwise uninhabited universe and saw the paper waste of an extra planer picnic sprawled across the sand. Simplistic enchanting staring right back at him as he battled his alarming compulsion to well... alarm. The paper then folded neatly into an origami dove and flew toward the only follower candidate he could sense, over rivers and trees it floated onto the windowsill of an apartment.

Erasing the paper from his memory was the last step. Terror gripped the godling as a message was sent to his warden further lowering his surprisingly small reserves, a presence entered his mind, paused for a second, " **It is of no consequence, as you were** ", the monotone voice spoke softly, and left his prison like it hadn't left him to slowly dissipate into nothingness after millennia of boredom. Panic and rage gripped him, the one that had taken him as a young mage and judged him adequate to mantel the aspect of mischief but punished him the moment he disturbed his perfect order had nothing else to say, no gloating or lessons or fo....

No, he would never ask for forgiveness, he had acted upon his nature, the formless godling wanted to cry, to yell and curse, at least be allowed to fight this enemy. Even as time corroded his being, he could see how much of him was still mortal. It was all over, he didn't have energy for another message, hopefully the next visitor stayed, and he would disappate not performing his duty and this whole stupid...

The weave shook once more, but this time no compulsion came, the disturbance was definitely external for the world, but not for the confused godling. His gaze descended upon a redhead reading a message on a sheet of paper, the paper disturbed the planer weave but why would he report the external influence if the message was sent by himself.

A faint trickle of spiritual energy began to rejuvenate the godling as he experienced delight for the first time in forever.

##### -Kushina-

She rested a hand on the seal embedded into the doorframe, pushing a tiny amount of chakra to unlock the door. 'Minato is way too paranoid, the more we protect the apartment, the more it seems we have something important to protect', she sighed. Her boyfriend was an ANBU agent, and that was probably the least dangerous secret they were trying to protect. Not that anyone would try to break in considering her reputation, somehow it had stuck with her even after years of acting loveydovey with Minato and abandoning most of her tomboyish ways. 'So I punch a few people, and grapple those I deem too weak to survive my punch, they mostly deserve it', another, more conscientious person would have entered a state of self examination but Kushina's mind just wondered towards today's dinner.

A quick change of clothing, and the devil roleplaying a domestic housewife began chopping vegetables for a broth when she heard a knock from the window. Thankfully whichever uncouth individual decided they preferred to enter a home like a wandering fly hadn't tried to open it or well, she'd have to replace another window and most of that wall. When she approached it and no intruder was in sight she turned to leave only to notice a paper dove with a bent beak staring into her apartment, writing could be seen on the doves wings. Caution flared, and she extended her senses, but felt no hostile signatures in the area and most importantly the foxes chakra hadn't flared so he most likely thought it a prank by the local brats. Her mood improved, a prank on her was a declaration of war and she was the grizzled victor of enough skirmishes to make the shinobi world blush or at least apply permanent blush marks with red marker while they slept.

So she opened the window and unwrapped the dove preparing for the worst a few brats can give only to find an intricate set of drawn concentric circles lined with sharp spiked lettering that radiated an unnerving energy. She was certain it wasn't a seal due to the lack of any distinguishing kanji, and the fact that an eight of it was clearly missing, breaking the symmetry of the thousand symbols. A tiny arrow pointed to the edge instructed her to turn the page over, and she did, finding a message which read ' Greetings mortal, I am Lispa the mighty God of Mischief and I hereby request you serve me.', a moment of confusion, doubt and ultimately acceptance overcame Kushina.

"In with the firewood", she sighed wondering who thought she was insane enough to fall for this. The ink reacted immediately, new words formed before her eyes, 'Stop woman, I promise riches and knowledge' Kushina froze. A few reports from her destroyed village hinted at the ability of communication over distances, but the paper lacked any visible seales. She circulated chakra through her body to see if it would dispel a genjutsu, when it didn't she started sniffing the paper, then held it up to the sunlight. The paper refused to give an explanation despite her various inquiries. She moved to take a quilt, but the ink moved again, 'Don't write on the paper, I have no control over your ink'. She scoffed, "How are we supposed to hear each other, genius?", the ink quickly reformed, 'I can hear you, but only if you communicate in the artform of limericks', the redheads eye twitched, unable or unwilling to punch a sheet of paper she moved towards the fireplace. 'Apologies, my social skills have suffered over these last few years', the paper shook and bended as it approached the roaring fire.

Kushina knew no seal could do this, the paper held no chakra with the exception of whatever foreign energy radiated from the letters. A moment of doubt, all the probable explanations were eliminated thus leaving the improbable claims the paper made more likely. ' **Something is draining your chakra**.', a low growl escaped the usually silent fox and sure enough Kushina could sense a minuscule amount of chakra was being drained from her once she focused. She immediately blocked the leak and trusting the Kybbi was at least making sure she would remain alive threw the paper into the fireplace as the ink shifted in panic. Her mind filled the strange occurrence for later as she moved back towards the kitchen only to find another message formed from ash on her cutting board. Where as the others messages were long, formed from seemingly perfect lettering, this one looked like a child's attempt at spelling.

'Please, I'll die alone.', and as the weave tried its best to suppress the redheads curiosity at the foreign seal, strange energy and a desperate godling it couldn't fight the empathy that such a statement produced in the redhead. Kushinas' eyes softened, a quiet but resolute "What can I do?", escaped her lips. The ash shifted into the symbols for 'Believe', 'ask' and 'protection' the lines in the last were entirely too thin and almost unrecognizable in shape. ' **Let it die, you idiot** ', her prisoner tried but even he knew there was no arguing. So like she had seen in some festivities, in a kitchen temple, at a cutting board altar she offered the beginnings of a ramen and asked for the protection of an unknown deity.

Immediately, chakra flowed out of her and a soft glow lit up the room, images of tiny dancing winged people, clothed fencing hamsters, small colorful dragons and sounds akin to childlike laughter circled around the confused priest clothed in an apron. 'Thank you… thank you so m...much!', a crying voice struggled to contain its joy. As the redhead attempted to calm a godling and a fox scoffed, the weave partially unwound into countless threads, one panicked toad called for his retainers.

##### -The Shifty One-

And in space outside all planes a sorceress stood in front of the blank humanoid, her form shifted into a flowing mass of stars and galaxies roughly resembling a woman. " **You really liked that one.** ", the outergod mused, the goddess just shrugged. " **I wouldn't have let him die, he just needed to understand that the set of all possible actions has subsets for a reason**.", the outergods' expression didn't shift but she knew he appreciated her interference nonetheless.

" Let's keep this between us, that world needed a but of chaos anyway", and she was gone.


	2. Forwards to Success, I Guess

-Kushina-

It took awhile for her crying patron to calm down, with no way to hug a grieving person you're just forced to stand around awkwardly. 'I wonder if it's insensitive to start making my dinner again', she looked towards the cutting board that once hosted the sacrificial radish slices. 'Of course, please don't let me bother you', the new voice in her head could apparently read her thoughts now that she signed up for his program but she had had to accept such an invasion of privacy once before. "So what are the benefits to accepting you as a patron god?", she had decided to continue talking as there was no one around to label her insane. 'God's can do all sorts of wonderful things, like grant immense power in the form of rituals, resurrect the dead, form powerful avatars to protect their believers, share arcane knowledge, protect you from the influence of other gods and so much more', the voice grew cheerful as it continued on, but Kushina's attention bad been ripped away from the losing voice in the middle of the clearly rehearsed speech.

After a pause, the redhead spoke "Resurrect the dead! How many? After how long?", her mind was racing at the prospect of reviving her village. The godling slowed, 'True Resurrection can be done by any god, lesser or above or by any of their followers as 8th rank ritual. The only requirement is that the soul wasn't destroyed or that it hadn't died of natural causes, excluding any other interference, I guess', there was a wariness in his tone that even someone who wasn't trained to spot these things would notice. "So what's the catch, do we need to sacrifice a few cats?", she knew one cat she would gladly trade for her clan members. 'Well, I'm technically not a god but a godling and I'm not allowed to directly influence anything from this plane', the voice tried to stay cheerful. "So, how are you talking to me and how did you use the paper?", the Uzumaki continued.

'The paper was left by a planeswalker who stumbled upon this plane. And no other god can forbid a patron from interaction with their followers, that would contradict one of the absolute rules', her apparently impotent God said, as if any of that made sense. "Planes, planeswalking, other gods, absolute rule. Explain.", she started preparing the broth once more. 'A plane is the set of all points that are reflectively traversable by physical means. Planeswalking is the act of traveling from one plane to another. Some planes allow spiritual energy to coalesce with emotions forming aspects, that either birth or are mantled by a coincidence to form a god. Absolute rules are the laws shared by all planes.', the academic definitions naturally flowed out of the once mage, to be met with silence. 'A plane is everything you can walk, fly, float or dig into from a point within itself'.

"So what's the difference between a god and a godling", the frustration mounted. 'Only the number of followers, the higher up you go in divine ranking the more power you and your follower get. As a godling with one follower I should be able to cast up to 4th rank rituals by myself or grant you all 1st rank rituals like Minor Heal, Starlight and a few 2nd rank rituals connected to my aspect, specifically Glazed Gaze, Cast Illusion, Path of Lispa.', Kushina could feel the pride at the last named spell.' "Let me guess, you can't cast any rituals because that would be direct interference and the rituals you can give me are extremely weak", an affirmative silence followed. ' **So he's useless** ', the fox's laughter filled her mind as her frustration peaked. The godling spoke with newly found confidence, 'Not exactly Kurama', that silenced the fox for whatever reason, ' **How do you**...', the voice cut him off playfully, 'I happen to have glanced at all the past and the future when I got to your plane. The interesting bits at least. I watched your birth in that forest, I saw you first yawn and the way you snuggled..', ' **Shut it, shut up, shut up** …", the demon bellowed and raged against his confines. "His name is Kurama?", the redhead processed the information.

'Yes, and he had the prettiest little whiskers that would brush…', Kurama was not having it, biiju chakra was already leaking into the room as her mind was filled with a thunderstorm of curses. Kushina got it under control so her ANBU babysitter didn't have a fit and then proceeded to roll on the floor laughing as the fox started ignoring them. The idea of embarrassing the demon trapped inside her never seemed like a feasible option, "This was so worth it". 'But I have so much more to offer, I might be stuck in your dull world, but with no other gods my information gathering skills are near limitless and while I might have destroyed your future I can still offer plenty of insite on what will happen. Tell you what I'll keep you safe for the price of a small daily tribute of spiritual energy, and will offer information you might be interested in the more you help me in achieving actual godhood. Teasing Kurama and my lovely companionship comes free of charge.'

"That sounds fair. What did you mean about destroying my future?", and the pact was formed while Kushina dumped noodles into the boiling water. 'This world had a fixed weave up until half an hour ago, in simple terms, all being had a fate and since no one was fated to escaping fate, I could see all the way to the eventual heat death of your universe. Now that I, a being not recorded in you weave, have exerted enough influence, the previous future is unraveled and as my agent and only contact point that means you have to make sure we create a future more interesting than the generic mess that creation stumbled upon.'  
  
"What kind of information can you offer me and what are the steps in you becoming more godly?", the terms of this new pact were discussed as noodle met broth. Lispa was clearly mulling this over, 'Normaly a godling would aid people with the required temperament in exchange for followers that would passively supply it with spiritual energy, they would be priests, form churches, cause schisms, create a few inbred villages unaware of the existence of other gods. I don't know the whole thing is supposed to be self sustaining according to my mentor. Just find me mischievous sheep and put in a good word.'  
  
"You had a divine mentor, like a big brother to scare away to bullies?", Kushina teased.   
  
'More of a big sister, in my method of apotheosis, one of the necessary steps was to have an existing god vouch for you upstairs', the voice now sounded sorrowful. "I take it that vouch didn't go over well if your stuck here.", Kushina sat on a couch resting.  
'I might have ignored all her advice and got into trouble, never got to find out if she got punished because of me. But I'd rather not talk about that, my prophet should just have to cause trouble and attract sheep'  
  
Kushina stretched overworked muscles as she fully extended her body across the couch. "You never told me that you could offer me in return for forming a cult".  
  
'We can start with the location of the 3 fullbloded Uzumaki's and the dozens of halbloods gallivanting around the world.', and with that Kushina was up and ready to preach the good blurb.   
  
Minato entered the house to find his girlfriend yelling, "WHAT?" at the top of her lungs. "Not the reaction, I hope for but I'll take what I can get", the spike blong rubbed his head. "A minute dear, the voice in my head just set of an explosion", hope and excitement once again ignited due to her new friend. "Should I be worried?" Minato have her own of his patented looks. "Not that voice dummy, I got an actually usefull one this time", was a reply that only instilled more fear in Minato, but he shrugged in acceptance and continued with his business as one usually did in these situations that someone found his childhood crush.  
  
'Tell you what since your new to this prophet business, you just have to get me 10 worshipers and I'll tell you everything about the one that I know will die in the next two years.'


End file.
